Main character syndrome

I’ve been thinking about agency a lot.

It’s largely because of how many crises seem to be happening in the world simultaneously—our planet gets hotter and hotter every year, inequality continues to rise, some disasters just upend people’s lives—and some days, I feel like it’s all too big and we can’t possibly do anything about it.

But then I think of how when I was in elementary school, science teachers taught us about the hole in the ozone layer and what caused it. As I got older, I learned about the Montreal Protocol, and how getting countries to adhere to the Montreal Protocol actually put us on track to fixing that problem. The ozone layer is recovering.

I believe that before we can exercise leadership, we do need agency. And before we can see ourselves as having agency to contribute to solving or reducing big problems, we need to see agency in our lives.

This track led me to start thinking about fanfiction as a tool for agency.

When I was taking my futures thinking class a year ago, I thought about fanfiction as a tool for futures thinking. I shared my paper with an alum of my program and I was asked why I used fiction to find drivers for the future. My basic thinking was that stories reflect the world back to us, help us imagine what could be, and help us make sense of the world we live in now. Luckily, there is evidence to support this belief. 

Bowman et. al. (2013) talk about the role of storytelling in the scenario process in futures thinking, and Zaidi (2019) highlights how futures thinking has been learning from science fiction to develop more coherent worlds and more nuanced narratives. 

I thought, why not use fanfiction? Fanfiction builds on existing histories, stories, and characters and often encourages people to explore alternate universes, with some of those subgenres having their own rules and conventions (like the omegaverse). 

One of the key pillars of fan fiction is building on what is existing and adding nuance to the stories by prioritizing the perspectives of people who may be at the margins or events that might seem insignificant but are more meaningful than people think. 

I decided to build on a concept I learned in my futures thinking course—episodic future thinking, which is our ability to imagine or experience what our futures might look like—and decided to create an activity where I asked people to imagine themselves waking up to find that they’re in a cozy, lighthearted 90s romcom. What would their day look like? 

I introduced it at a webinar I did last October, and I ran it with a much smaller group of three a few weeks ago. 

I was struck by the responses that I got. They varied in lengths and some went full fan fiction route and dropped themselves in the middle of their favorite TV shows or movies, but some people spoke at length about their dreams—what their dream house would look like, what their romantic partner would look like and how they would behave towards them, and what their morning routine would look like. One person even talked about running a bookstore with pets, and they told me they were going to continue thinking about it after the exercise. 

I enjoyed reading the responses because they were full of hope, and people felt like they were free to dream. I realized I liked that too, being someone who gives people the space to dream. 

The next question for me was the most crucial. I asked: If your life were to look like that, what’s one thing that you would do today? 

I think that’s the power of the exercise. Reflection. Being able to imagine is not enough. It won’t be. Not in a world where people have visions of using their power to hurt or harm. Imagining will be just as important as fulfilling, and I suspect that in the coming years, being able to dream and imagine will be just as crucial to our being human as being able to eat, drink, and breathe. 

This is also a question I’m asking myself now, because a lot of what I’m working on was inspired by a dream I had about writing a book and having a book signing event. 

In that dream, I’m at one of my favorite bookstores for this signing event, complete with live-streaming and a full audience, with one of my favorite pop groups dropping by to get copies of my book. The title came to me, too, and in that moment it felt so real and so attainable that my brain just went, “Why not?”

What am I waiting for? Who am I waiting for? 

I realized, over months of sitting with this dream, that I was waiting for approval. I was waiting for someone to pat me on the back and tell me “Good job!” Or say, “Keep going!” When I realized I could be that person for myself and that I could be that kind voice, it felt like things started to shift. And I started to want to build a better foundation for that future Eunice, who is a writer, creator, public speaker, and entrepreneur, who is happy and healthy. 

I wish I could say that everything is fine and my life is in order because I’ve decided I want to pursue this dream. I do want it. But it’s messier in reality. 

Turns out, when you’re trying to make a concept of yourself come to life, parts of you will resist the change. Even when the change you want is a good one. Even when it’s in pursuit of your dreams. For me, that has meant sliding into old habits like being easily distracted and not using my time well. It also has meant missing meals. But while my younger self would beat herself up for this, my current self has a bit more understanding. 

Change does include shedding and unlearning and breaking. It also includes silence, reflection, and joy. It includes meeting new people, reconnecting with friends and family. It includes moments where you realize that you are far from where you started. 

Coming up with that exercise has shaken me up this much, and I can only hope that it has a similar effect to the people who have tried it so far. If there’s anything I’ve learned from working on this, it’s that stories can give us a clue on who or what has agency in this world, where we see ourselves in the context of the world we live in, and what we think we have the capacity to influence and change. 

The world is going to try to convince us to let others be the authors. 

I say fuck that, let’s all pick up a pen and write. 

If you want to give it a whirl, here’s my prompt: 

Imagine you’re in a 90s romcom. Not an early 2000s romcom or anything later, a fun, lighthearted 90s romcom like 10 Things I Hate About You, You’ve Got Mail, or Notting Hill. What does your life look like? 

The only rule is to be as vivid and detailed as possible. I recommend giving yourself up to 30 minutes to write as much as you can down. 

Once that’s done, take some time to sit with yourself and use these questions to reflect: What did you imagine? What surprised you? What did you imagine that you would like to see happen in your life? And how would you make it happen?  

What would you like to see more of in this newsletter?

1. More features of fans making fanwork or blending their fanwork with the rest of their lives

2. Broader pieces thinking about the way we can learn from fandom and blend it with other disciplines (like my fanfiction as a futures thinking tool piece?)

3. Recommendations? (It has been a while since I’ve put out a recs-heavy newsletter.)

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Thanks for reading, and see you all next Friday!